To the one that saved me...

This post won't be like my usual ones (when I actually DO post). It's actually on a more personal level. I know I've said several times that I'll be back soon, but I've been extremely busy with work and most importantly, being a MOM. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy almost 7 months ago. His name is Brendan. I'm sure if you followed my blog or followed me on twitter, you knew about that already. Work has been extremely busy. I've been working 40 or more hours a week. When I'm not at work, I'm with Brendan 24/7. It's been a very hectic time for me. It almost kills me to be away from him, but I want to work, you know...it's kinda like a double-edged sword. I go to work and then I cry on the way home, because I forgot to kiss him good bye or wondering if I hurt his feelings because I didn't get to hold him much because I had to sleep for work. It's silly, I know, but I love my baby and I think waaaaaaay too much. There are days I cry because he wakes up crying at night and Joey is the one that tends to him. Joey makes me go to sleep, because I have to wake up at 4 am for work and he wants me to get my rest. It makes me feel extremely guilty, because I should be the one to comfort him, right? But anywhoooo, he is so much fun and keeps me occupied. I couldn't ask for a better baby. I love waking up and seeing him. He rolls over and he cups his hands around my face and always gives me the BIGGEST smile. He's never really been in a bad mood. He only cries when he's hungry, sleepy, or has a wet diaper. He's an extremely EASY baby - always happy and smiling at everyone. When I got pregnant, I would type Brendan letters. I just wanted to chronicle as much as I could and I wanted to put it in a scrapbook for him. I'll share my first letter with you guys...

hi Babe!
It's me, your mom. You can't read, of course. You're not even here yet but you will be in 7 more months. I have decided to write you a letter every week to let you know how special you are and so that, one day when you grow up, you can read all of this. i am at work right now. Yes, work! I know when you get to be about 16 and you have to work, you will feel like me - very lazy! I know you will probably be lazy and not want to work. I can't blame you. If you are lazy, you have probably inherited my genes and your daddy's genes. I'm just playing. I'm not that lazy - just sometimes. Anyhow, I can't wait for you to come! This is my first letter to you. I'll start with when I found out. I found out I was pregnant on december 21st. I didn't think I would be pregnant but when I found out, I cried. I didn't cry because I was sad. I cried because I was alone. Daddy was at work and I didn't have anyone I could talk to. I also had to go into work that day. I was emotional and a little overwhelmed. I know how to be a daughter and a friend. I know how to be a sister and a cousin, but being a mother is a new experience for me. It's not like you can take classes and you become prepared to be a mom. It's just a life lesson you have to experience. I don't even know if I am a good daughter or sister. How will I be a good mother to you? you're not here yet but I will promise you that I will try my hardest to be the best mother for you. I know that you're going to change my life and I'm gonna change yours. This is an exciting time for me. I am also scared because I have never gone through this before, but I know that when you are here, it will all be worth it. So far, you've been good to me. I haven't been sick or anything bad - just really tired. You wear me out and you're not even here yet. All mommy wants to do is sleep. I can't wait to find out if you're a boy or a girl. Grandpa and
Daddy had a dream you were a boy. I just want you to be healthy. Of course girls are more fun to dress up, but if you're a boy, I'll be happy. on 1/13/10, i got to see you. I was hoping that you would be inside my tummy. When I saw you, I was so happy. I cried a little bit. I was even happier when I heard your heartbeat. That is when I knew you were okay. I have been working a lot lately and sometimes I get tired and overwhelmed, but then I pull your ultrasound picture out of my purse and I remember why I need to work harder. I am saving all my money up for you. I want you to have the best life ever. Grandma and Grandpa (my parents) have been very supportive. They already talk about you and grandma is already buying you clothes like crazy! Grandpa said, in his dream, you were such a cute baby. Daddy tells me that he is excited to sleep at night, because he wants to dream about you and see you in his dreams again. So far, I haven't dreamed about you yet, but I'm sure I will. I'm sure that whenever I see you, you will be as beautiful as Daddy and Grandpa say you are. Daddy's parents have been very supportive and happy, too! They can't wait for you to get here. Mommy is such an impatient woman. I don't know how people say that pregnancy goes by fast! I can't even imagine waiting 7 more months. You are going to be a summer baby =) You are coming at a perfect time. You will be here for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Did Mommy tell you that I love Christmas and Thanksgiving? Daddy loves those holidays, too (mainly Thanksgiving for the food!). I can't wait to share you with everyone for the holidays. It will be a new and exciting experience for me and Daddy, as well as both of our families. I know that everyone will love you very much. I just wanted to let you know that I can't wait to see you and that your birthday is going to be the best day of my life. 31 more weeks and 1 day before you should be here! I'll try to be patient until August 24th. Love, your Mommy.


Brendan has made me a better person. He makes me want to better myself. I don't have the option of being immature or selfish anymore. I am a mom and his provider. He has changed me.






I LOVE YOU, BRENDAN. YOU'RE THE REASON WHY I BREATHE <3